no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
