my phone needs a breathalizer
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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