I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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