I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
