My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
