What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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