Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
