thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh god it's open bar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
