The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
