Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
