Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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