he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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