Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
