Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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