i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
