i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize