Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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