I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
