so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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