that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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