Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
