I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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