Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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