i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fill condoms, not promises.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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