Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
