The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
