cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
