sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it because I queefed?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
