my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
