DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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