By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
