I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
