Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
