Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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