Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
