Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
