Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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