My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
