TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
