Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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