Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize