i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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