I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Randomize
