my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he thought i was a dude.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
