His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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