i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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