your thong is hanging out like whoa
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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