I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
