My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
