he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
