8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
