When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
