Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize