It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
