There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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