The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We need a shit load of segways right now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
