Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
