I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
