Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
