No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
