found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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