Grow some girl-balls and come out already
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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