so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
