I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
