Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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