I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
