Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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