Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
