if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
