It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize