his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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