He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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