didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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