well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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