Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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