at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
