I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
