Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
