I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
