We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
