I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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