dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
