if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
