So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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