Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
